FML
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: "To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ..." A young Hayate Ayasaki laments the hell that is his life and pontificates on the evils and injustices in the world. Introspective. Angst.
1. Prelude

**FML**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ Fic

By

EvilFuzzy9

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><p><strong>AN: Because nobody can take that sort of shit quietly.**

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><p>To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ... But to get screwed over by the universe time and again? THAT is the lot of one Hayate Ayasaki, cosmic plaything and full-time woobie.<p>

And this is his story.

* * *

><p>I hate my life. I really do.<p>

I mean it. Seriously. Don't even get me _started _on how bad my life sucks. I could go on and on for pages and pages and pages and pages and pages just talking about how lousy my life is. But we would never get anywhere that way, so I won't.

Not much, anyways.

Working is hard. And I mean HARD. Seriously, if war is hell, then work is war. Literal _hell on earth _would be a welcome reprieve from my work schedule. But the Universe hates me, however, so no such luck.

I work hard. I put myself through the worst kind of crap for less than minimum wage and zero appreciation. I know, I know. _"Why do it, then?" _Well, I don't **want** to do it, but we need the money, and God knows that _Those Two_ won't ever do a damn thing to fix this situation. So it falls to me, little Hayate Ayasaki, to grin and bear it and soldier on through the pain. Like a man.

That's what they tell me, at any rate. I doubt that's true, though. I mean, I'm, what? Ten, eleven, twelve years old? Yeah, something like that. I'm just a kid, and yet I've already held more jobs than most adults. So if doing something you don't want to without complaining really defines a man, then I am already more of a man than anyone else. But I haven't even hit puberty yet, so... yeah...

Hence the aforementioned doubt.

Anyways, back on topic: I hate my job. Or rather, my jobs.

Yes, job_**s**_. _Plural._

And my voice hasn't even cracked yet. Oh, _happy days._

Ah, I do apologize if the sarcasm in the last sentence happened to drip off of your monitor just now, but there is really no other way for me to express just how _fan-fucking-tastic_[**1**] it is to be me. I mean, every day is filled with magic and wonderment, and the world just bends over backwards to make me happy! Everyone loves me, and I have a happy, normal home life~!

_Not._

Life sucks. The Universe hates my guts. And all the people who are supposed to take care of me and nurture me into a happy, well-adjusted adult have their heads shoved too far up their own asses to do a damn thing to help. Although I suppose that, at least in that way, they're preparing me for adulthood.

... _Yeah_.

Fuck my life.

- Hayate Ayasaki

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><p>[<strong>1<strong>]: Adults always tell me I shouldn't swear, but what the fuck have those shitty bastards ever done for me? _Absolutely nothing_. So to hell with them, I'll swear all I want.

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><p><strong>AN: Just experimenting with first person p.o.v. and indirectly venting about my job. **

**This is a younger, feistier Hayate who hasn't completely given up and accepted his fate as a cosmic chew toy. I think I like him like this – at the very least, it's a significant change from how I normally write him. And if you, the reader, liked this, then let me know and I might continue it. Otherwise, I'll probably just let it sit indefinitely, what with all else I'm working on.**

**As for the next chapter of **_**Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!**_**, well... I'm working on it, but work really saps my energy, so I'm only **_**slowly**_** making progress. But the reviews are greatly appreciated!-! **

**Also: the twenty-ninth is my birthday. **

_**Yaaay**_**.**

**TTFN and R&R!  
><strong>


	2. Self and Brother

**FML**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ Fic

By

EvilFuzzy9

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><p><strong>AN: Because nobody could possibly develop a healthy worldview from growing up in a family like the Ayasaki – not even Hayate.**

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><p>To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ... But to get screwed over by the universe time and again? THAT is the lot of one Hayate Ayasaki, cosmic plaything and full-time woobie.<p>

And this is his story.

* * *

><p>My brother is a dick. Seriously.<p>

I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this. Maybe it's because I'd always looked up to him... Maybe it's because I _wanted_ to believe that there had to be someone -ANYONE- in my life who wasn't _completely_ irresponsible – someone who actually _cared_.

I really was so unbearably naïve, back then, wasn't I?

Nobody really cares. Not about me – not for MY sake. Anyone who pretends otherwise -anyone who pretends to care about me for me- is truly only motivated by self-interest. Whenever someone deigns to say "I care about _you_, Hayate Ayasaki," they do not say so because they actually care. Such a thing is impossible.

There is no inherent value in the individual. A person's life is worth only as much as their bank account. The only interest others have in me is motivated from their own selfish agendas. They do not see me for who I am – they do not see a unique human being with every bit as much a right to happiness as they. There is no such thing after all, and any who would say otherwise are merely suffering under the delusions of sheltered idealists.

No. When people look at me, they only see cheap labor. A bargaining chip. Someone who can be made to do what they want with no compensation. They see a nice little kid – an easy mark.

Everything -and everyone- in this world exists only for themselves. To live for another is to live a lie. To sacrifice one's own happiness for the sake of another is to commit the highest crime against the natural order. That's what I've learned.

That's the only real lesson that my parents have ever taught me:_ "Live for yourself. Live in the moment. Don't worry about the consequences, have someone else take the fall."_ And, perhaps, it's the only lesson that really matters. ... If only it hadn't taken me so long to realize this, I might've been able to...

... Ah, but I suppose that doesn't really matter, now, does it? It doesn't change anything, after all. What's done is done.

I'm with my family, but I'm still all alone. The only one who ever seemed to care abandoned me. He abandoned me years ago, leaving me with Those Two. Not even_ he_ really cared. As soon as he was able, he left Them. And he left me.

_With_ Them.

And for **this**, I hate him. For **this**, he is a dick.

Seriously: _Fuck you, Ikusa._

And fuck my life, too.

- Hayate Ayasaki

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><p><strong>AN: Honestly. When I think about it, what the **_**hell**_** was Ikusa thinking, leaving his baby bro with two of the most irresponsible parents in the history of anime? Even Yukiji, for all her many character flaws, took Hinagiku with her when she ditched **_**their**_** deadbeat parents. What the fuck, Ikusa?-! **

**Also, Hayate turned out a lot more eloquent in this entry, in a way. Looking at how this one turned out, it's definitely probably even darker than the first one. So for those of you who said the first one was depressing, well... If you're looking for something cheerful, then this really isn't the fic. For cheerful, you'd probably want to check out _Paizuri_ or _Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!_ or even _I Don't Have Any Friends_.**

**The Hayate of this fic is turning out to be quite the Nietzche Wannabe, though, isn't he? Haha, well, since this is mostly just being played by ear, who knows how it'll turn out, eh?**

**TTFN and R&R!**

**[P.S.: Christ, five days 'til I turn twenty. And I haven't made any notable progress on the next chap of _ONNHc!_ in nearly a week... 'Course, to be fair, I'd been out of my meds (again) for a few days, and I've been busy watching a metric fuckton of _Bleach_ on crunchyroll dot com for the past week. As a result, the song _'Number One'_ has been stuck in my head all day. _"If you wanna see some action, you gotta be center of AT-TRAC-TION~!"_]  
><strong>


	3. Must Good Men Do Nothing?

**FML**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ Fic

By

EvilFuzzy9

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><p><strong>AN: Since I haven't said so yet: Thanks to PlushiexLover, Flare Region, Gitah-Muttan (every time I see that username, I wanna read it as "Get a mutton"), NR, and Shuji Nonohana (!) for reviewing so far. Haha, I wasn't sure of this fic at first, considering the ambiguous reception the first chapter got, but people seem to like it, and I suppose it's filling a niche that is sorely neglected (as far as I can tell) in the _HnG_ section.**

**Though I might end up having to edit the summary and genre of this fic, since it's lot less "sarcastic snarking" and a lot more "melodramatic monologue-ing" (monologuing, it would seem, is not considered a real word by FF dot net's spellcheck. I am disappoint D:) than I had originally intended. But the audience seems to like the way it's going, and my angsty muse, DEF, has not been this happy since I wrote _A Monster, From the Right Perspective_, so, eh, what the heck.**

**Now, without further ado, here is the next installment of _FML_!  
><strong>

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><p>To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ... But to get screwed over by the universe time and again? THAT is the lot of one Hayate Ayasaki, cosmic plaything and full-time woobie.<p>

And this is his story.

* * *

><p>It's so hard to find a job. It really is.<p>

_Especially_ since I'm too young to be legally employed.

And that's the crux of the issue, isn't it? I'm just a child - or so adults tell me - and a child should not be looking for work in the first place. As a child, I should be making friends, going to school, enjoying my youth. Money and employment are things that only grown ups should have to worry about. I should forget about such things and go out and play with others my own age. I am but a child, after all, and such is a child's role.

That's what they say, anyways. But what do _they_ know? They don't understand _anything_ about what my life is like. And that is not for lack of effort, on my part.

Not at all.

I _try_ to tell them. I try _so hard_. But they never take me seriously. No, they just smile and nod and pat me on the head and say "That's nice, Hayate." They refuse to listen to me. They refuse to take me seriously. But they are not the worst. No, not even close. Such people who refuse to take me seriously or believe what I say... I cannot hold it against them.

After all, how could they, who have never seen such hardships as I have, who have never been so neglected, possibly fathom what my life is like? They, who have loving families and happy homes, could never even begin to understand what it is like. They, who have never seen the worst of humanity, simply can not - simply _will not_ - believe that such horrible people could ever exist.

And I cannot fault them for that.

Because even _I_ have trouble believing it.

No, the _worst_ are those who _do _listen – those who hear what I say and understand what it means. _Those _are the worst. Because even they, who understand what I have to say and who _know_ that no child should **ever** have to live like I do... Even those few adults who _do_ see the truth never bother to do anything.

Yes, they do nothing. They never bother to take me away, or to report Those Two. To the police, to child services, to _anyone at all_. No, they simply stand by and smile and say that they understand and they _care_.

You know, I really do hate liars. More than anything - perhaps save Those Two - liars are the worst. Hypocrites come a close second. But I hate liars most of all.

"Evil triumphs when good men do nothing." That's a saying which I have often heard. But it is a fallacy.

Because how can you call good he who would abide evil to flourish unchecked?

- Hayate Ayasaki

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Happy birthday to me. Yaaay. **

**Since I'm still stuck on chapter fourteen of **_**ONNHc!**_**, here's another chapter of **_**FML**_**. Ah, I like this chapter, but I'm also a little disappointed, since I had wanted to make it a patten where every chapter ends on the words "fuck my life", but I couldn't really think of any way to shoehorn it in without it seeming forced. So, yeah. **

**On the subject of writing chapters, the way I write this fic is very... err... I dunno, very **_**something**_**. It's basically stream of consciousness (as you can probably tell from the way I started this chapter talking about jobs and ended it on moralistic rhetoric about guilty bystanders), and I basically just write until the words stop flowing out. ... and I just got a major sense of deja vu, all of a sudden, while typing this up... **

**Eh, whatever.**

**Also, for future reference (for myself and anyone else who cares):  
><strong>

**[This chapter was uploaded Saturday, 10/29/2011]**

**[Previous chapter was uploaded Monday, 10/24/2011]**

**[First chapter was uploaded Thursday, 10/20/2011]  
><strong>

**TTFN and R&R!**


	4. Solitude and Anomaly

**FML**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ Fic

By

EvilFuzzy9

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><p><strong>AN: From the maker of _FML_, _I Don't Have Any Friends_, _Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!_, and more comes a tale of one boy's hardships – a tale of life and death, hope and despair. A tragic story of loss and regret. **

_**And None Shall Mourn Thee:**_

_**In Either Life or Death**_

_A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ Oneshot_

_By_

_EvilFuzzy9_**  
><strong>

**Coming soon* to theater near you! (Because if I hype it and the people want it, then I'll have _no choice_ but to finish it.)  
><strong>

**_*"Soon", here, is a relative term and might have little to no relation to any sane concept of the phrase._  
><strong>

* * *

><p>To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ... But to get screwed over by the universe time and again? THAT is the lot of one Hayate Ayasaki, cosmic plaything and full-time woobie.<p>

And this is his story.

* * *

><p>I don't have any friends. None at all. Not even <em>one<em>.

This is to be expected, though.

After all, nobody _likes_ me, nobody _cares_ about me – not enough to consider me a "friend", at any rate.

They are ambivalent to me. They ignore me, for the most part. To them, I am all but a non-entity – just another part of the scenery. And I do my best to keep things this way, to avoid my "peers" whenever possible. Sure, it hurts to be alone, to have no one to depend on, but that pain is no worse than what I feel when I _do_ spend time around my classmates, listening to their conversations and watching their interactions.

Because, when I look at them and see the happiness in their eyes, when I listen to them and hear their carefree words, I know that I can never fit in amongst them. They are innocent, ignorant of the true evils in this world. My suffering -and all suffering in general- is beyond their meager ken. How could they ever hope to comfort me, when they have never seen the things that I have seen? How can they empathize with me, when they have never felt such despair as I have? Such anger? Such melancholy?

They cannot. They are different from me. They are _normal_. They are _happy_. They are _**children**_.

And I am none of these things. I am not normal. I am not happy. I am not a child.

... I am different. I am weird. I am a freak.

None of them can do the things I can do. I am stronger than they, faster than they, hardier and more resilient than they. My abilities, my attributes, which have all been honed to such extremes by the difficulties and ordeals which I have had to overcome since my earliest years... all these things set me apart from the others as something else. Even if they do not realize it, even if they cannot see it, I am something different from them.

In body as well as in spirit.

And a part of me resents them for this, for their normalcy. Because why should _I_ have to be the freak? Why should _I_ have to be the weirdo, the anomaly? Why should _I_ be the one cursed to this fate?

... why must _I_ be doomed to such hardship and isolation...?

... ... ... _fuck my life_.

- Hayate Ayasaki

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Here's another chapter of _FML_. It's a bit on the short side, but I figure you guys'll be happy just for the update. I like it whenever I can sit down and write something up like this in a single sitting, and I am also glad for the return of the Title Drop Arc Words chapter ending. But maybe I'm the only one? Eh, whatever.**

**Also, between work and the copy of _Dissidia Duodecim Final Fantasy _that I bought last week (as touched upon by myself in a post in the Spammy McSpam V1.0 thread on The Original Hayate no Gotoku Discussion Forum! here on FF dot net), I do not presently have much time for or interest in writing much at the moment, so you may well want to relish whatever you get for now. 'Kay?**

**Glad you understand!**

**(And hopefully I'll _at least_ be able to finish up that oneshot I'm working on...)**

**TTFN and R&R!  
><strong>


	5. Perchance to Dream

**FML**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ Fic

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Here's another installment of **_**FML**_**! ... Although this chapter (at least at the time of writing this author's note, after the reviews but before the actual chapter) is mostly just a vehicle for my reviews of the two most recent chapters of the manga. Because I enjoy doing them, and if I do them enough times I might actually eventually get some feedback on them and find out whether or not I'm the ONLY one who likes my reviews. **

**On a completely unrelated note, I recently watched **_**Yu-Gi-Oh! Bonds Beyond Time Abridged**_** and **_**Lord Slug Abridged**_**. Am I the only one who cracked up at that post-credit bit in the latter one where Super Kami Guru narrates a letter to Lord Slug and signs it "your Evil Half"? Because I found that bit both amusing AND appropriate, given the former character's characterization in the (abridged) series proper. **

**And back on a more pertinent note, I was a little disappointed that chapter four of this didn't get any feedback, but it WAS kinda rushed and not as good as the previous chapters.**

**But enough of my incessant rambling. On with the show!**

* * *

><p>To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ... But to get screwed over by the universe time and again? THAT is the lot of one Hayate Ayasaki, cosmic plaything and full-time woobie.<p>

And this is his story.

* * *

><p><em>"What's in a dream?"<em>

That is the question I find myself wanting to ask every time I hear people talking about their plans for the future – what they want to be when they grow up, what they want to _do_ with their lives. It is so odd, really, how they talk so casually about having such lofty aspirations. They all believe -with such _conviction!_- that they will go on to do great things, that they will go on to become the great men and women of their age.

They are so sure, so confident. They aspire to greatness, to exceed the sky and go ever upwards, to pierce the heavens with their hearts and forge onwards to a better future.

And it vexes me, because I have never had any "dreams" – nothing like they have had, at any rate. I do not have anything like what they would call a "dream" or an "aspiration"... They call me lazy and unimaginative, because of this. Because of this, they say I must be an unmotivated layabout, a worthless lout. Even they who are closer to knowing the truth than the rest... even they who have managed to worm their way through my defenses and approach my naked heart... even _they_ say that I should "dream" – that without a "dream" I will forever be stuck as a "freeter"[**1**], a blue-collar freelancer doomed to constantly perform grueling menial labor simply to scrape by.

But they are mistaken. Even if everyone else has the potential to do great things and become great people, I do not. I live a star-crossed life, damned to poverty and hardship and misery regardless of what I do. I know this. Oh, I know this _all too well._

Believe me when I say that I have TRIED to change my fortunes – tried _so hard_. A hundred times over, I have done everything within my meager power in my attempts to change my fate, but to no avail.

_Ever and always to no avail. _

I work myself to the bone. I keep my nose to the grindstone. I forgo all bonds of friendship in favor of finding employment wherever I can. I do my best at everything I attempt and prove myself time and again a hundred times more reliable and more competent than anyone else. I do all this and more, but it makes no difference.

Nothing I do makes any difference. Any time I come close to paying off one debt, _They_ go off and dig us into a hole thrice as deep. Any time I start to really prove myself at a given job, something happens to get me fired or otherwise laid off. Any time I begin to make my way in the world, fate conspires to throw all my hard work in my face and set me right back to square one.

So how could I, who have so often tried so hard only to fail without fail, ever dream of a better future? What point would there be in deluding myself like that? I might give my all at everything I do, but in the end it won't matter. I'm fighting against the inevitable, swimming against the current, waging a losing battle against fate, but it is not because I believe that I can change things that way.

No, I **know** that nothing I can do will ever make a difference. I know that I am an insignificant worm, the lowest of the low. I know this all too well, and so I fight not for a better future.

I fight, because I know that if I give up, then I will be no different from my parents. I fight so that I can at least die knowing that, even if I can never be a truly good person, I am still a better person than _Those Two_.

And that's it. That's all that really matters.

... ... ... but it is still such a curious thing, this tendency to "dream"...

- Hayate Ayasaki

* * *

><p>[<strong>1<strong>]: This is a slang term derived from a combination of the words "freelance" and "_arbeiter_" (a Dutch term for blue-collar worker).

"Freelance" + "Arbeiter" = "Freeter"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, this was an interesting chapter. I mean, the content itself is not necessarily any more interesting than that of any of the other chapters of this fic, but it IS interesting to me, as the author, inasmuch as the inspiration for it goes. Specifically, it was inspired by two separate things. The first inspiration was a bit in the manga where Chiharu, while discussing Nagi's ambitions with Hayate, talks about dreams, causing Hayate to make some rather... interesting comments about having dreams; something along the lines of:**_** "But if she has a dream like that, then won't she only be setting herself up for failure?"**_**, which causes Chiharu to respond with something about having an impossible dream being better than giving up on one's dreams, and then asks Hayate if he doesn't have such a dream, to which he is pointedly silent with a decidedly melancholy look on his face. And the second inspiration was a review from Shuji Nonohana for my recent, super-depressing _HnG_ oneshot **_**And None Shall Mourn Thee **_**[subtitle: **_**In Either Life or Death**_**] (which you should totally read and R&R, BTW, if you haven't already), particularly a line where he writes:**

** "**_**Our Hayate always thought something along the lines of, 'They can work me dry, they can torture me, treat me like shit, leave me in unendurable emotional agony, but the moral high ground is mine. I may be a worse person than everybody else, but I will always be a better person than my parents.'**_**"**

**... and I simply **_**had **_**to use that concept **_**somewhere**_**, so I used it here. Thanks for the inspiration, Shuji~!**

**And now, for the part none of you were waiting for:**

**EvilFuzzy9's first impressions of chapters 344 & 345! (Because why the hell not?)**

**.**

**344**

**Before**

**Time - 11/21/2011, Monday, 10:19 A.M., Central Time.**

**Note: Well, starting the chapter, it looks like it's picking up from where it last left off with Hayate asking Kayura to be Nagi's manga adviser, only for Kayura to say no. And now we'll likely find out the reasoning behind her refusal. **

**As for my predictions for how this chapter goes? Hrm, I dunno... One part of thinks it'll have Hayate continuing to entreat Kayura for her aid, while another part thinks the first part is stupid and that something else will happen instead. And a third part of me is still obstinately maintaining that something will happen to make Kayura fall for our dear butler, while the second part says that the third part is also full of shit and stupid and that something ELSE will happen, instead. So yeah, going by gut instinct, I gotta say: not a damn clue.**

**So, yeah... Let's just read and see what happens.**

**.**

**After**

**Time 11/21/2011, Monday - 10:31 A.M., Central Time.**

**Note: Well, looks like the second part of me was right inasmuch as "something else" happening. And I gotta say that Kayura's speech was definitely very passionate, though to me it almost seemed like her advice would be more applicable for Hayate in the sense that he's more the one fighting against the odds, but on the other hand he doesn't seem to really have a dream right now, does he? At least, not any that he hasn't given up on. ... Heck, even that dream of having his own flat is as far off for him as Nagi's dream of writing a manga that will sell a trillion copies is for her. **

**But that is, once again, probably just me.**

**Also, hahaha, Kayura stripped in front of Hayate and neither one of them was the least bit perturbed (though in Hayate's case he probably just sees Kayura as a child, much in the same way he views Nagi) and Nagi was the only one freaked out by this. Then the scene cuts to ****Nagi**** suddenly wearing a different outfit with Kayura and Hayate in the room with her. Now, sure, common sense might tell you that Nagi simply shooed Hayate out while she changed and then let him back in once she was finished, but I like to imagine that Hayate never left the room and simply watched with a vapid smile on his face. Because he's an idiot. But we still love him, because he's OUR idiot.**

**Also, also, am I the only the only one who sensed some yuri vibes from Kayura's interactions with Nagi near the end of this chapter...? Because the sparky-bubbly background seemed pretty... **_**suggestive**_**... to me, but maybe that's just because I'm a fanficcer.**

**.**

**345**

**Before**

**Time - 11/21/2011, Monday, 10:52 A.M., Central Time.**

**Note: Okay, so this chapter starts off at Tachibana Video Rental, with Wataru talking about opening a new store and something about a contract along with a narration about how he quit Hakuō to work full-time at his store. The page ends with him going "Hm?" about something. **

**Gah, I can't make any predictions because my gut is so friggin' anxious about this possibly FINALLY bringing a resolution to his bet with Ayumu. And, before reading this chapter, I would like to reiterate my sentiments from my A/N at the end of the fifteenth installment (or twelfth real chapter) of **_**Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!**_**:**

_**'Oh... okay, so maybe I **__**will**__** concede that Hata certainly **_**has **_**set it up for her to sorta be like a maid to Wataru, depending on whether or not what he did would fall under "confessing his love". But I swear to God, Pain, Dende, and Baby Jesus that if Kenny even **_**thinks**_** about trying to pair the spares or tie up romantic loose ends by having Hamster-chan fall for Wataru, I will fly all the way to Japan and **_**KICK him in the FUCKING BALLS! **_**... or, you know, bitch and moan impotently about it online. But the first one sounds better.'**_

**So, yeah, here's hoping he doesn't do something like that. Because my inner shipper is a paranoid, trigger-happy sumbitch. That's really one of the few things I hate about being so emotionally invested in a series, in that I have no real control over my inner shipper, so even if I intellectually know that the couple it has chosen to ship will almost certainly never come to pass (in particular, my ardent NaruHina phase -which was mostly well before the "Pain's destruction of the Leaf" arc- was a special kind of Hell) I will still feel disappointed when nothing happens with it.**

**... ahem.**

**Well, enough of that awkward tangent: on with the show! (i.e., reading the frickin' chapter, already because what the fro this "before" section seriously took me twenty minutes to type even though like a quarter of it was copy-pasta'd in)**

**.**

**After**

**Time 11/21/2011, Monday - 11:25 A.M., Central Time.**

**Note: ... ... ... ... ... Jesus H. Christ. All that anticipation, and it turns out it's just a chapter about Saki's twenty-first birthday. Albeit, a chapter with plenty SakiWata fluff, Sakuya guilt-tripping Wataru like a pro, and Hayate showing once again that he is reliable in all matters save those of money and love (the former because one god or another seems to have cursed him from birth, and the latter because a maybe-goddess used good old fashioned physical abuse to give him terrible self-worth issues – no, I will **_**never**_** let that issue go, because it is a **_**big goddamn deal**_**).**

**Also, on the subject of birthdays, maybe I'm just blanking out on it, but for the life of me I cannot recall anything ever being done for Hayate's own birthday, despite the manga having gone on for well over a year in-story and him being the main character (ostensibly). The only thing I can think of is some faint notion of Maria and Nagi doing something for him, but this could very well be something from my imagination. So, yeah, I don't know what to think about that. If it hasn't been covered in story, or no one has done anything for that, then I suppose that's s'more angst fuel, but cripes isn't this supposed to be a comedy manga? I dunno, is it me? Am I just being perversely obsessive in insisting to myself that this is secretly a terribly depressing series? Am I just seeing tragedy and angst where there isn't any? **

**I dunno. But it's also fun, after a fashion, so I suppose that's all that matters, eh?**

**[This chapter was uploaded Saturday, 11/21/2011]**

**[Previous chapter was uploaded Monday, 11/12/11]**

**[Third chapter was uploaded Saturday, 10/29/2011]**

**[Second chapter was uploaded Monday, 10/24/2011]**

**[First chapter was uploaded Thursday, 10/20/2011]**

**TTFN and R&R!**


	6. I Cannot Die

**FML**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ Fic

By

EvilFuzzy9

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><p><strong>AN: Cripes, has it really already been three and a half months since I did anything for this? Damn. Well, I dunno how strong my angst muse is at the moment, but I should really at least try to whip something up for this. Even though I should probably be doing something more constructive. Like my tax returns. *Shudder***

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><p>To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ... But to get screwed over by the universe time and again? THAT is the lot of one Hayate Ayasaki, cosmic plaything and full-time woobie.<p>

And this is his story.

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><p>I ache.<p>

It has been so long. So long without sleep, and even longer without rest.

My weariness is without limit. I am exhausted beyond comprehension. My body screams. Every fiber of my being aches. I cannot continue like this–I cannot go on without rest. If I try, I will surely die.

That is how it feels, at any rate. But sadly, I have found that I cannot die so easily. No, more than that, it seems like I am simply **incapable** of dying. No matter how much my body is broken and battered, no matter how long I go without nourishment or rest, I _will not die._

And this vexes me terribly. Others may fear death, may abhor the very thought of it, but not I. No, on the contrary. I find myself _longing_ for it. I wish _so badly_ to be taken away by the Grim Reaper, to leave this mortal coil and its suffering behind. Because at least in Hell it is always warm.

Perhaps this line of thinking is unhealthy, perhaps it is the way of cowardice, but I quite frankly cannot bring myself to care. I would rather perish young than live a long life. There is no good for me here, nothing for which I can live. I have no dreams, no friends, and no future. Things will never get any better for me. No, they will only get worse. This is something I have learned in my short life to be an absolute truth.

But it does not matter. Because I simply _will **not** **DIE**._ My body, this _damnable husk_ of skin and bone and little else, refuses to fail, refuses to give up the ghost. No matter how much it wears and tears, no matter how badly it is beaten, crushed, stabbed, sliced, shredded, burned, frozen, or drowned, it _**will not**_ cease to function. I continue to live, despite the world's _damnedest_ efforts to remedy this. And my own.

But, in the end, I suppose it really does not matter. Live or die, I sincerely doubt that there will ever be any reprieve, save perhaps oblivion. But the intangible substance of self, it seems, is perversely resistant to destruction, and I honestly would not even know where to _begin_ with something like that, so that is not an option.

Who knows? Maybe someday my life will actually get better. Maybe someday I'll truly be happy. And knowing my luck, then–and _**ONLY**_ then–will I die. Because the Universe hates me, and nothing makes it happier than my suffering.

That is one thing that will never change.

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><p><strong>AN: ... ... ... well, I certainly haven't lost my touch for writing this sort of dark stuff, it would seem. Hope you guys like it.**

**[This chapter was uploaded Sunday, 3/11/2012]**

**[Previous chapter was uploaded Saturday, 11/21/2011]**

**[Fourth chapter was uploaded Monday, 11/12/11]**

**[Third chapter was uploaded Saturday, 10/29/2011]**

**[Second chapter was uploaded Monday, 10/24/2011]**

**TTFN and R&R!**


	7. A Notice, From Me to My Readers

**A Notice, From Me to My Readers**

By

EvilFuzzy9

Our dog, Treasure, passed away last Thursday evening on 4/5/2011, just a few days before Easter, around 6:00 or 7:00 PM. She was, I dunno, at least ten, eleven years old, maybe even older. A sweet, dear old golden retriever thoroughbred, she was really starting to show her age near the end but nonetheless still betrayed at times a stubbornly lingering spark of vibrant energy from her youth that refused to be extinguished until the very final hours of her life, when she could nary muster the energy or the strength to shift herself more than a little bit this way or that way.

I was the only one home at the time it happened, though both my brothers and my father had been there earlier and all remarked on how Treasure was just lying on the floor in the middle of the hallway next to her raised food and water dishes. It was quiet, and I was on the computer like I always was, when suddenly I heard thudding and rasping coming from the hallway. I saw Treasure slowly sort of convulsing on the floor, her body shuddering with every clearly labored breath. So I went over and comforted her, talking softly to her and alternately petting her and scratching her ears and sorta rubbing her tummy.

After a while, it started to settle down, so I got up and went back to my room briefly, checked up on my laptop, then I went back through the hallway past Treasure and into the living room to turn off the TV that had been left on by my youngest brother when he had left for work (a flatscreen that my parents had finally picked up a week or so earlier after having had it on lay away for a good while). I don't quite know or remember what was on at the time–even though I absent-mindedly half-watched it for a few seconds while I looked for the remote to turn the TV off–but I think it might have one of those pawn shop shows, based what I can recall of what I saw.

But anyways, when I went back into the hallway to check up on Treasure and make sure she was doing alright, I got down to pet her only to notice that she didn't seem to be moving. At all. So, getting a little nervous, I tried a number of things to check on her vitals based on what little I could recall of first aid from my boy scout days, clumsily feeling for a pulse and listening for breathing or a heartbeat. That last one was inconclusive, though I imagine it was solely because by that point my own heartbeat was fairly thundering in my ears as the conclusion became clearer. As a final test, if only because I was, while not exactly hysterical, still rather distressed and partly refusing to believe what was happening because _no this can't be happening no no nononono it can't be real I must be mistaken she's okay, really, she is, she just HAS to be...!_, I held my hand an inch or so from her nose to see if I could maybe feel her breath and _prove that she's okay and you're just being a worrywart, Tim._

I felt nothing.

As it registered in my mind that Treasure was _deaddeaddeaddead_, I numbly got out my cell phone and dialed my parents. I can't remember exactly who I tried first, but I do know that my mother was the one to answer. For a moment, I was unable to talk, the words caught in my throat. I was unable to speak, but still I forced myself to, and a few seconds later, standing over Treasure's motionless form, I got out the words, "Mom... this is Tim... I don't think Treasure's breathing."

Naturally, she responded by saying that she and dad would be home as soon as they could, cutting short their weekly night out. With that said and done with, I mumbled an empty farewell and hung up.

I don't know how long I stood over Treasure, just... just staring at her, watching her and doing my best not to think. I think an hour or more may have passed before I finally wrenched myself away from her and sat down on the couch, grabbing my PSP and numbly turning it on and reading some fanfic or other on it.

Eventually, I heard my parents' car come into the driveway, and I got up. They came in, and I showed them over to Treasure. My mother, who is a hospice nurse and has been working as an RN in some manner or other for over well over twenty years, knelt over Treasure and checked her over, sadly remarking that except for a few spots where some heat still lingered, Treasure was completely cold. After that, there was crying to some extent on all our parts as we wrapped Treasure up in a bed sheet (my mother had refused to put her in a garbage bag, and neither I or my father had the heart, or perhaps rather the lack thereof, to disagree with her on that) and sadly said our final goodbyes before I and my father lifted Treasure, wrapped up in the sheet, and carried her down to the basement freezer (which my father had cleared out to make room for Treasure while my mother and I wrapped her up in the sheet) to keep her in until we could bring her in to be cremated.

At the time of writing this, Treasure has not yet to my knowledge been cremated. I do not have the heart to go down to the freezer and check in order to verify this, so I am not entirely one hundred percent certain, but that is immaterial to my point.

Anyways, because of this, and the fact that my medicine, specifically my d-amphetamine, once again ran out well before the pharmacy was able to refill it, I have not had the will or focus to work on any of my writing. Instead, I ended up purchasing and downloading at least four different games over the course of the week for my PSP (_Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Impact_,_ Class of Heroes_, _Corpse Party Musume_, and _Dead or Alive Paradise_, though so far I'm not too impressed with that last one) and the first five episodes of some anime I've heard of called _Master of Martial Hearts_ (though I ended up not having enough room left on the 5GB memory card I'd bought a number of weeks back so that I'd be able to download _Final Fantasy VII_, since the 1GB memory card I had been using up until then simply did not have remotely enough room on it for the game which measured in at something like a whopping one thousand three hundred something megabytes, if my memory serves right).

I finally got my prescription refilled yesterday, which is how I was able to sit down and write up this notification for you all, and I've mostly come to grips with Treasure's passing (in part thanks to the continuing presence of our cat [well, technically my younger brother's cat, but he shares a flat with two friends and their baby so he doesn't really have room for her and so she lives in the house with us] Bella and the shih tzu-poodle mix puppies Princess and Precious), but I'm not sure when I'll get back to writing fics. Depending on how the cookies crumble, my well of inspiration might either dry up, or I might ultimately get sent into a fevered writing frenzy similar to what ended up happening mid-to-late last summer where I officially renewed and redoubled my work on ONNHc a few weeks after my uncle Scott passed away from cancer, resulting in a string of several 10k+ word chapters that only petered when I started working at Hong Kong (the restaurant and buffet in my town that focuses on Chinese and Szechuan cuisine, not to be confused with the city in China).

So, basically, I might get back to writing and updating my fics as soon as tomorrow, or I might not get back to my fics until as late as three months from now. Hopefully it doesn't take that long, and honestly it probably won't, but you never know for sure.

Well, it feels good to get that monkey off my back, so to speak. Hopefully I'll catch you all again with a proper update sooner rather than later.

Ta-ta for now, folks~


End file.
